After the Big Rain

After the big rain even though the air is still,

a ceiling of fluff, navy blue, gray and a little blinding white

rushes across like it’s about to miss a great party.

After the big rain the air is so pure and moist and sweet

I try, again and again, to inhale the entire lake basin’s worth.

After the big rain the man across the woods brings out his barbeque

on his night time spot lit deck.  Even the neighbors are quiet.

The cute guy upstairs and I

catch each other staring up into the silence, agape with wonder,

snap out of it and drive off.

This is how it feels to fall in love with the molecules,

when the miracle on the platter is still the smile of your own star bright eyes.

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Today it happened.

My heart could heal the place

where the spear had run it through

at the foot of the cross.

Too young to understand that awful day,

the larger truth at work,

driven mad with grief

when the light of the world

could so easily be extinguished.

I ran myself on a soldier’s neglected spear.

“You’re going to give me this love,

this joy, and then take it away?

I don’t think so.  I’m going with you.”

And forever since I’d relived the trauma,

always a doomed love affair, deep passion

with the same king who never once left his kindgom

to choose me instead, and so again

the execution and eternal curse–

(I’ll take beheading any day!)

It seemed bigger than me, this pain.

That nothing I ever did

would matter in a world turned so wrong.

I was feeble to approach it,

but willing to be weak and brave, all I could do,

until croaking like a frog fallen ill

at last the painful place could fill.

As long as I beseeched help from outside

all was mute,

and when I looked within,

it was my own beautiful yoni

that filled my heart up.

And then I was lifted high.

My own resurrection,

the one I missed before,

that life could be not only crucifixion

but truly this pure essence of soft and gentle wonder.

An endless fluffy, mildly translucent light,

sea foam Lumerian green,

unfolding from my chest to infinity,

to rest me in it lightly now forever.